Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
What are you doing and how can I add sex in there
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
