Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
