do you think he would believe thats it not really my period, and that i ate a lot of licorice?
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
After walking ten blocks barefoot in Boston I've concluded drunk me needs to make better decisions.
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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