I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He told me the hand job I gave him this morning was "lovely".
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
Are my feet made of real feet?
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
I'm starting to think that Cosmic Steve ripped me off
you know my pussy doesn't know between good and evil
Randomize
