How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
I can't be held responsible for what I do for you after a blowjob like that.
Randomize
