I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Randomize