We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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