Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a moment while I was smoking where I was looking at these palm trees and I knew how dr Seuss came up with his characters.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I think I almost ran over some kid I went to high school with. Guilt factor: moderate to low.
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
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