By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
