my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
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