Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
Do you have a shampoo for semen
Or a time machine
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Just drank an entire bottle of champagne for lunch. It's gonna be that kind of semester.
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
