A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
Randomize
