Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
The money is just too good to quit doing it. I'm using the same justification strippers use.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
The best part about daylight savings time this weekend is we get an extra hour to be fucked up.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
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