no, he came in my armpit
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
PS: the photo I uploaded for this internship site is the same one i used for my fake ID. I like to keep it classy.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Randomize
