Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
I Can't even believe I threw all my pizza rolls at her, I mean not only did i ruin a good meal but now I dont have anymore
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
you're hired as official boob wrangler
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
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