My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Randomize
