Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
As shirtless as possible
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
