It doesn't matter if they shave you or not, you're still susceptible to the staph infection.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
