im so drunk with asians
where?
always
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
He asked me to grab his balls and yell "thats a spicy meat-a-ball" Last time I do requests.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
Not only did I sleep with the guy but I think I may have called my work and quit to go work for him.
Randomize
