Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
I can't believe I paid your booty call for a ride home in cake.
Woke up fully clothed in bed sleeping on my purse.....we're back!!!
The little girl I babysit saw pink plastic shot glasses in my car and asked what they were for and I told her they were princess teacups.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
How do I carry myself in a way that says "I swallow"?
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
Randomize
