i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
we put on a show in the hot tub for our boyfriends, then climbed out and both got down on our hands and knees and puked at the same time--still naked.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
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