clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Before he comes over remember the house standards. Ask yourself "will he stalk my sister or myself in the future?". If the answer is yes, then no, he isn't allowed.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
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