new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I like to take my ritalin one pill at a time with each pill spaced out a couple minutes so I feel like I'm going super saiyan when they kick in.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize