apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
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Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
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Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I’m getting reeeeaaalll tired of telling cute boys I gave them chlamydia.
That’s two in three months. You really know how to live.
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