just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Um, you were throwing up the shocker symbol in front of all of the wedding guests during the best man's speech. No wonder the groom thinks we're bad
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I blacked out at work again... Except this time my boss watched me throw up by the bus stop and some woman let me sleep on her shoulder for an hour. Why does this keep happening?
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
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