Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
death bed.
death patio
stfu you slept on the patio!?!
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
