Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
My mom sucked on that joint like a nipple and she was a fucking newborn
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
I've seen your dick too many times for both of us to be straight.
Randomize
