we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you dont publicly announce someones alcholism over facebook. you dont out someone like that.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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