I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
direct quote from andrew "you know i can't hear when i drink whiskey"
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
Randomize
