I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Can we comment on the fact that at five thirty this morning, security woke me up in the hotel lobby, in my underwear, and some random guys winter coat?
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
All I need is a morbidly obese man masturbating at the other end of the car and I'll complete the CTA Horror Trifecta.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize
