Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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