woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
She just told me she had a double jointed jaw and winked at me while eating her bananna. That's not possible right?
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
sorry for any reference made toward your boobs or making you feel pregnant or incapable of peeing. make it a wonderful day.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
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