he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
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You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
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You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I told him I was gunna have sex with him in both of our cars at the same time.
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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