Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
That's cool, I just have to let the dogs out AND SO HELP ME GOD IF YOU TEXT ME BAHA MEN LYRICS WE ARE NOT FRIENDS.
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
you were making out with a girl because you told her you were part of Nsync
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