His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You fist bumped my dick last night saying good game. That you'll be back for the 2nd game...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
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