I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
She went to college and exploded out of the slut closet.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
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