my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
Randomize
