I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
The whole bar erupted and in happiness and confusion as I went on about pancakes.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
