i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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