Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
