It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Idk. It's not appealing to me. Like don't get me wrong, I love ur dick A LOT but I don't want to stare at it on an iPhone screen
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
