I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
there is a smiley face on my leg painted in blood
I'm pretty sure that's yours.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
Randomize
