Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
I'm running on jager fumes right now. It's like I put diesel in a prius and said fuck it.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
