last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
he just fucked me for my cheese..
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
