just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
