You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
Randomize
