i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
