you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
Randomize
