whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
What can i say, my face is nice and my body is just unreal. And my beer pouring/stealing is incredible \n
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
