toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She gained 35 lbs and has an ankle bracelet, time for new booty call.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
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