so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Had a crazy moment last night. Had to get up, run to bathroom, pop 3 Xanax, sit on bathroom floor and rock myself in fetal position. Not my best moment.
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
I can feel your judgement through the phone
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
