It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I come back home for break and my room is full of weed either my parents really love me or they are having more fun then I am in college
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
CUM CAME OUT OF MY NOSE. MY SINUSES ARE ENTIRELY FUCKED UP NOW BC OF THE CUM TRAVELING IN PLACES IT SHOULD NOT HAVE.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
