Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
I am in a vortex of obligation.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize
