I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
She said she's different now I guess anytime you get a bible tatt it automatically cancels out all the whoring you did for 10 years
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
Randomize
