it sucked. he totally couldn't get it up. blamed it on never having cheated b4. Couldn't stop laughing. fuck.
hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
Randomize
