I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
I'm voting my liver organ of the month. The award ceremony is next weekend.
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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