i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
smoked some of that legal weed last night, felt like God himself legit bent me over his knee and spanked my ass. Never again..never.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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