Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
Randomize
