I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
Randomize
