i'd rather walk the sahara in a snuggie with no water than take a bicycle cab
so i was supposed to be to work at 8..but its 9:15 and im currently standing stoned in the middle of holiday...with a bag with three doughnuts, two redbulls, and a slim jim..
god i miss watching you do this...
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
To be honest, the last time I saw him he had a jesus costume on telling people to pray to his bible.
So he's at the chuch?
No, hooters.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize
