I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Randomize
