I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
